when ur mama tells you.. you listen

mama told me not 2 eat before i sleep… and i thought its one of these myths.

so i ate … not too much by the way, and went 2 bed, i almost never dream… or unconciously do! i dont know… so i woke up at 5am…. very upset

u know the problem sometimes with these bad dreams is that once ur there u beleive its actually happening, i dreamt i was in saudi arabia (i have no clue what its like) and for no reason at all they wanted 2 hang me!!! and they got my family to watch. Surprisingly, they didnt seem to care at all, and when i begged them to do something to save me they were pretty harsh and were like no your being hanged thats it. i felt so bad my little brother was there as well and he seemed puzzled….

when i felt begging my parents was useless and that they’re not gonna do anything for me i felt i just wanted to run off! wasnt possible coz they had all these strange people standing there waiting to watch me get hanged!! weird weird weird

the thing is, even though it was a dream, i lived it there, i beleived it as i was asleep and i never thought in real life i can know how that would feel when ur standing there and they are pulling a thick rope around your neck, in a minute u’ll be gone, dead body, and everyone watching carelessly….

i woke up, yes feeling very thankful that was just a dream, and thinking maybe i should think twice about my openion regarding death penalty, for a second i thought: thats it im totally against it. but thinking again of serial killers and those who kill on purpose and make these ugly ugly crimes and thought: naaaa maybe not totally against it after all…

ما يحيرني في بث التلفزيون الأردني لحفل العجائب

والله كتير أشياء، بس كلها أشياء متوقعة اللا هاي! كنا بنحضر التلفزيون و أنا نص مفلوزة و بشرب كركديه سخن و متغطية بحرام (في شهر 7 في قطر) يعني هاي لحالها من عجائب الدنيا السبع.

 

المهم كنت “متحمسة” كتير، و خفت لما قالت المذيعة: الجو “حماسي” في عمان ، فارتعبت شوي.. بعدين قلت آه حماس آه متحمسين يعني… قلتلها من هون وأنا على بعد 2500 كم على اساس تسمعني:  الله يسعدك ابعديلي عن هيك كلام أنا اندوشت من الأخبار! لدرجة انو بس قالت حماسي نسيت معنى كلمة حماس باللغة العربية و صارت بس تعنيلي اللي بشوفوبالأخبار!

 

 من زماااان ما حضرت التلفزيون، خصوصا التلفزيون الأردني  من أيام الطفولة، و بس حضرناه حسيت انو (على حطت ايدي) زي ما بقول المثل نفس طريقة التقديم و (الأتموسفير)… سنقفز عن وصف التفاصيل لضيق الوقت.

 

للعلم انا رحت عالبتراء بجوز 8 أو 9 مرات على الأقل، و بغض النظر عن الجدل الواسع بخصوص هاد الحدث فبيني و بين حالي كنت بدي البتراء تفوز. فوق ما انا نازلة على عمان بكرة بعد سنة كاملة وهي أطول مدة ببعد فيها عن البلد و بفكر جديا مع أني في ربيع العمر اني اخذ حبوب خفض الضغط بلاش بس اوصل مطار عمان و اموت من الفرح!

  

نرجع للتلفزيون:

 

طلع سور الصين العظيم، و الله فرحت قلت لحالي آه طبعا محلاه و هو مش طالع.

 

طلعت البتراء و صرت انط و فرحت و ضحكو علي اللي معي قالو هاي اللي على أساس مفلوزة!

 

طلع بعدها قطعو البث!

  

ليش؟ عن جد يعني طلعت البتراء و خلص يسطفلو باللي ضل؟ طيب يا أخي أنا عندي فضول أعرف؟ طب على اساس انتو مهتمين بالحدث التاريخي العظيم.. يعني جد بغض النظر عن كل الموضوع هاي الشغلة خلتني أسرح و أفكر كيف و ليش و على أي أساس بسير هيك؟ أكتر اشي بديهي و طبيعي انو نشوف الاعلان عن العجائب… صحيح انجنيت من الفرح بس كانت البتراء منهم بس انصدمت بس قطعو البث عن البقية!!

  

انا كنت كتييييير متأملة البتراء تفوز، صح و كنت بحاول ما اتأمل كتير مشان اتفادى الفقسة، بس لا انكر اني غصبن عني كنت مهيئة نفسيا و معجوقة و فرحانة و بس ضايل يحكو اسمها مشان أقفز في غرفة التلفزيون الصغيرة قفزة بهلوانية و ببراعة بحيث لم أكسر التلفزيون و لا الطاولة و لا رجلي، فكانت سعادة غامرة لكن المفاجأة يشوبها توقع وأمل مسبق…

 

المفاجأة الغير متوقعة نهائيا كانت بعد هيك، بس قطعو البث عن باقي العجائب! اتخربطت و بطلت افهم ؟؟!!

 كيف و ليش و مين؟

 هادا هو العجيب!  

 

I SEE, FEEL, THINK. THIS IS HOW I KNOW

L: who is responsible for this?

A: this what?

L: this! it’s either i am blind or u r!

A: no no we’re not blind! and neither are u!
L: feel it! is this perfect?

A: ok well its not perfec! but everthing else is!

L: so i can’t call the whole thing is ”perfect”

A: well no but…

L: hey.. did i say (but) when we discussed the price? NO BUTS! who’s fault is this? the designer or the conractor?

A: neither! the designer is “perfect” and the contractor is “perfect:

L: yeah, because they r the same guy remember? the one and only “perfect”

A: well HE IS PERFECT! DON’T U EVEN DARE QUESTION THAT!

L: u got eyes? u got hands? u got brains? see, feel and think: this work is not perfect… it DOES have faults, pretty good ones, a work with faults is not perfect

A: yeah but if u look at it from this side its pretty good…

L: yeah.. and if u look at one dollar, not bad ha? its not a million, but still it’s money! look dude, i prefer to see what i see, not see what u imagine…

A: wait i can explain..

L: u’ve been explaining all ur life

A: no but…

L: no “buts” remember? is this ur fault-less design-build deal? yes or no?

A: hmmmmm

L: no answer is my answer… enough for me… !

A: there’s more to it

L: do i look like i care?

A: but there’s more!

L: yeah.. more fairy tails, tell them to those who wish to sleep! i’ve had more than my share of coffee.. not for today but for life!

(ps. this has nothing to do with construction)

أنا بشتغل سجرة

لن نشتري هذا العيد سجرة

ستكونين انت السجرة

و سأعلق عليكي أمنياتي و دعواتي و قناديل دموعي

to55o o ikser mo55o!

Although I’m not the kind that kicks and screams, breaks the mobile and throws things around when I’m upset (greets to 7azem and i3tedal btw) I still developed a habit of going away for a while when I’m not feeling very well.

Whenever I look kind of pissed and people come up to me, nicely trying to help, I calmly suggest we talk later, like right after I finish what I’ve got at hand. It worked pretty well for me like that, I rarely(rarely is not never) say things I regret saying, rarely need to apologize or feel bad for hurting people, and when it happens I get more convinced of the (kill-the-beast technique)

No matter how others tried to convince me that this is not right, I still see that experience proves them wrong! O is2al mjarreb wala tes2al 7akeem, Things cool off pretty quickly, and rational thinking comes in place when I give myself some time alone, while whenever anything else happens I just think: why couldn’t u just go away for a while? Isn’t that just A LOT easier? Happy now?!

There were conversations sometimes, about wither its good to express your feelings (tfesh ‘3ollak) (unfortunely to those who r close enough) or keep you mouth shut and eventually explode, both are wrong in my opinion, both ways you would end up feeling sorry, for others or for yourself… at times you should TALK (yelling and cursing is not talking by the way) and at other times you should just keep your mouth shut, save everyone –most importantly yourself- the headache…

The worst thing to do is to do both… expressing your anger like a monster, kick and scream, then wake up and realize how awful it was, shut up and go away!

itto55o o tekser mo55o, betkoon 5allast 3aleih… big no no…